Saturday, August 06, 2005

Regular titbits

I guess, I am pretty straight and pretty boring to the outside world. For instance, I have never streaked across a playing field or jumped naked into a fountain. I don't ride a monsterous motorcycle decked out from head to toe in leather. My hair isn't blue, purple or even pink. I steer completely clear of drugs. I didn't make a million by the time I was 25. My nipples, tougue, eyebrows, etc aren't pierced. I do not go bungee jumping or parachuting at the weekends....

But when I hear myself described as a "regular" type, it makes me re-consider all the other so-called nondescript people out there going about their own business, and more importantly, just what exactly that business entails.

Do they have secrets that will follow them to the grave, commit acts that no-one would ever think them capable of, have a fire in their bellies that only the chosen few ever get to see, have a gazillion tales from the past that evoke surprise? Certainly when I think of some of the things, I have experienced and project similar activities onto others, it makes for lots of interesting people-watching/contemplation.

I got this idea from Ms Munkay.
Half of the following are true, half are false.
  1. I've had 3 lovers on the go at once, and neither of them knew of the two others. However, I felt much too guilty and gave up all 3.
  2. I've smuggled drugs, but only once.
  3. I have had one novel published, but have never been able to write a second.
  4. I single-handedly rescued my cousin, when he was being held hostage by a motorcycle gang.
  5. My first kiss was in Russia with a very drunk, much older Norwegian. It was horrible.
  6. I won a "Best Secretary of the Year" award without ever having been a secretary.
  7. I used to model for Beneton.
  8. I have had sex on a golf course, in a hospital and in prison.
  9. I have had sex at the cinema, on a motorcycle race course and during a carwash.
  10. I've fallen off a horse in Ireland, fallen down a ski slope in Norway, fallen flat on my face in a restaurant in Greece, fallen of the roof of a car in France, fallen from a stage in Germany and down a flight of steps in Italy.
  11. I accidently threw a customer's false teeth down the garbage disposal, whilst working as a waitress. They were never found, and the cost was deducted from my pay.
  12. I have on seperate occasions been pelted with stones, drugged, chased by an angry mob and had a knife to my throat.
  13. I fled from a hotel just in time to watch it burn to the ground. Now I never sleep anywhere unless there are smoke alarms.
  14. I watched my parents get married this summer after a 33 year engagement.
  15. I am secretly related to the Queen of Denmark through an indiscretion by her father in the 1930s.
  16. I spent one glorious night with a very famous actor who shall forever remain unnamed.
  17. I walked out of an important exam, because the sun was shining and I felt like sunbathing.
  18. I have been on television several times, but never watched any of the broadcasts.
  19. I did a nude photo shoot in haste and am repenting at leisure.
  20. My best friend was murdered after an illicit deal gone wrong.

17 comments:

Hermes said...

These days, everyone tries so hard to be "different" they all wind up looking the same.

I think simply being yourself, being "regular," is the new non-conformity. Truly.

Autumn Storm said...

I agree, and that was kind of my point - I'm considered "regular" but looking back through the years, they have been pretty spectacular :-)

Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

Wow, half of those are true?

Wow.

I want to read your novel, what's it called?

To answer your question on my blog, yes, that is me in this picture.

Keshi said...

whoaa half of them is true? my God girl u have had am extra-ordinary life I must say!

Can I ask ya Autumn,if ur accidents were true? Gosh that's a lot for one person to have been thorugh :)

I guess when u take the life pages of each n every person n give it a good read, there's always something extra-ordinary abt it...each n every person's experiences, acquaintances, affairs etc r unique...n may seem quite extra-ordinary to the other! It's really in the way one looks at what extra-ordinary means...

Rock on gurl!
Keshi.

Chai said...

Wow! Whoever describes you as a 'regular type' has absolutely no idea what they are talking about!

Trée said...

yep, just a regular type . . .lol. When does the unauthorized bio come out? ;)

Jim said...

Hi,
i am jimmy
do visit when u have the inclination and the time

Jim said...

if no.19 is true
wud u mail me a print

Autumn Storm said...

Yep, half are 100% true and others have a hint of truth, and the final ones are complete fabrications.
Let's say, I had published a book - although a great achievement, it could be so long ago now that I have come to perceive its content as amaturish and embarassing and would therefore not recommend it to others in case they thought it was rubbish. :o)
If all of those accidents (falling, hotel, dentures) had occurred, I would probably be described as accident-prone on a regular basis, which I am not, so I guess it is safe to say, not all of them are true :o)
[If I were to write an auto-biography, it would be thrown out of every publishing office for being too confusing, too muddled and too far-fetched - life is stranger than fiction :o)]
And if no.19 were true, I am repenting, and would therefore never send the pictures for others to view :o)
Some good guesses there though!

Jim said...

u girls must be sensitive to a guys feelings too

we hurt just as much and mebbe more though we dont cry

-jimmy

Justin Thyme said...

Love that concept! I may have to borrow it sometime...

Lindsey said...

You're my hero...thank you for the laugh.

Keshi said...

lol Autumn me a bit clumsy too :) My cuz used to call me Ms.Accident...

Keshi.

lab munkay said...

The moter cycle gang one was the only one I had a hard time believing. But I think you could have done them all.

Autumn Storm said...

Justin - feel free, I myself got the idea from Ms Munkay.
Linny, thanks, even if you are pulling my leg ;o)
Munkay - that one is in fact completely true.
11 are now true, since I was sent a dvd from the tv station yesterday of my most recent appearance.
Another thing, for some reason, I feel the need to 'fess up about nr.1 - that one is untrue - I guess, I realized, I didn't like people perhaps thinking, I was a cheater.

Trée said...

You are my hero too. :-D

I think you have an item or two to add to this list. No worries. I don't kiss and tell. Tell that to the frailing COWs. :-D

Autumn Storm said...

:-D
You've had me smiling all morning between your blog and mine.