Sunday, December 31, 2006

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Happy Christmas your arse - part deux

I found a version of the song that I posted about last Christmas, whomever hasn't heard it must, it's just too good. :-)

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Merry Christmas

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on,
our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
From now on,
our troubles will be miles away.

Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore.
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more.

Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.

And have yourself

A merry little Christmas now.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

May your days be merry and bright

No snow yet in London town, which might be a good thing, since snow here very quickly turns to muddy slush. Ice and frost, we have plenty of, and white skies. Yesterday morning, as I walked by the park, there was fog lying across the ground, the bright winter sun stood just at the edge of the leafless tree tops, it was a sight to behold. Had I had my camera, that is the picture I would have posted here. It looked so wonderfully wintry.
Westminster Bridge

Happy Holidays!
(& safe journey to those heading out of town)

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Breaking the ice

If this were a dress-rehearsal, it would be alright on the night.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Tag, you're it!

Me first though, courtesy of Terry and Jillie.

The mission: Confess to 6 weird things about yourself.

Finally, a tag that should be easy to complete was my initial thought, except trying to remember what other people have deemed weird (as Terry said, these things are perfectly normal to us) was not easy, at all. I do take my hat off to listen better, I talk to the television when agitated about what might happen or something someone did, I have the urge to be upside down sometimes and shopping for new clothes is more chore than fun to name a few off the top of my head, but anyway, here are the official 6.

1) I can cross my legs twice

2) I keep everything in alphabetical or chronological order, my books, my CDs, my photos, letters, paperwork, etc

3) Speaking of photos, I have to keep myself in check so as not to fill every surface with a picture of someone important to me, an occasion that brings back good memories, or an image that I'm drawn to (fields, forests, deserts, oceans, and faceless figures for some reason). I have drawers, plural (or boxes as is the case at this moment), of framed pictures just waiting on a bigger house.

4) I'm not the friend who calls (or even IMs first, as some of you guys will have realized). Not usually anyway. I have this thing about disturbing people and so unless I have a reason, I'm not likely to intrude on someone else's time. I am the friend who writes letters and emails, these people can read at leisure.

5) Getting lost is a chance to see something I would not otherwise have seen and I've always seen it more as an adventure than as a problem. It's my favourite thing to do when on holiday, getting lost on purpose and having to find my own way back.

6) I'm usually singing something. If not to the radio/CD player, to my internal jukebox of favourites. Just like I cannot keep still if it's a song that makes me want to dance, so to I cannot shut up (even when told to in loud, booming voices:) if I know the song playing.

Tag, you're it!
That means you, J, naturally.
Sweet K too, and
Christa ,
Meg &
Sorry guys. ;-)

(THE RULES: Each player of this game starts with the '6 weird things about you.' People who get tagged need to write a blog post of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says 'you are tagged' in their comments and tell them to read your blog.")

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Woooooooooooooooo Hooooooooooooooooooo!!!

Nuf said. For now. :-D

Thursday, November 30, 2006

More birthday celebrations :-)

My dear friend Terry,
Wishing you
A day of sweet moments to remember &
A year filled with all the things you treasure
Happy, Happy Birthday
Love always, xo

Friday, November 24, 2006

Birthday celebrations

Happy Birthday Tiffany!!!!!
Health, happiness and an abundance of good times is what I wish for you in the year ahead. That, and first-rate celebrations on the day. (25th)

Celebrations here today too as M turns nine. I do it each year, well, each day, wonder at how it came to be that she grew so big so fast. Another 2-3 of those and no doubt she'll be taller than I am.

3 days to go until things are back to normal connection-wise, can't wait!

Happy Friday and weekend.
More soon. :-)

Monday, November 20, 2006


It's the general consensus that people are less open with one another in big cities. I'd have to disagree. I've found the opposite to be (mostly) true and confirmed again upon my return here, that in London at least, people chat. They chat in shops, on the street, on public transport, everywhere. Everywhere except Internet cafes of course, we all keep our heads down here, too busy doing what we are doing to bother about who is sitting next to us. :-)

A happy week to all, x

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

12 and counting

Hey all, and a happy Wednesday to you.

Missing hanging out here regularly so very much and it's just not the same coming into these internet cafes, it's always so rushed and seldom do I make it the whole way around the 'sphere to see everyone.

Chista, you were right. Somehow, someway some sort of misunderstanding occured and I now have a new date, the 27th, which I am hoping will stick and not be put back again. Had I realized, there would be problems, I would have stayed in Denmark longer. ;)

I will catch up at some point, with posts that I have missed, even if it means no sleep from the 27th and through til December.

Hope you all have a wonderful rest of the week. I'll be in as often as I can, miss you too much not to, hugs all around.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Happy Thursday :-)

There are so many wonderful messages on the two posts below that I am going to wait until I have proper opportunity to reply. Home internet was meant to be sorted by the time I got here, but we are still waiting on them. We have been promised this week, so that leaves tomorrow. Fingers crossed. And otherwise, I'll be back here at the cafe over the weekend.
For now, I'm going to do my very best to catch up with what's been going on with you.

Happy Thursday. Missing you, x

Friday, November 03, 2006

Here we go :-)

First leg, today

We are spending this weekend in the same place,
we spent last weekend, visiting relatives and friends.

And then
Tuesday/Wednesday we sail across the North Sea

Hoping the sea will be calm that day,
so that I can get out on deck and take some pictures to post here.

Not the only reason...
It's hard getting a good night's sleep, if one keeps falling out of bed.

(that and I tend to get seasick if all I see in the window is sky then water, sky then water:)

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Rambling in lieu of time etc

As always, this place reflects the state of my life and mind, at least I think so. Chaotic, sporadic, internal, stifled and most importantly reaching, is what it has been recently. No, it doesn't reflect all of those, one would have to include my drafts box, which has been filling up at a much, much faster rate than 'current'. I don't know about any one else, but the more I have on my mind the less easy it becomes to finish any single one and let it go (or let it out).

I leave tomorrow and I have a ton of things to do today and hence I don't have the time to make this into a proper post, thus what this is (or will be, I think) is just random statements.

I got used to not talking those 3 months that I was in London, I kind of reverted back to how I used to be. I never did share very much of what I thought or felt before I started doing so here. At first to nobody, as in nobody read that I knew of. That didn't matter, what mattered was actually voicing. I learned to do that here, and it carried over into life, at least as much as I want to. It all depends on who is listening of course.

It took a while to get used to the decision that I had made to move to London. The actual decision was easy, I would not have been able to sleep at night otherwise. Guilt, there's something to think about, I feel too much of it and truthfully for no reason. No, actually responsibility is probably the word I need to use instead. I'd do anything for anyone, as long as it is within my capability (legal, morally right and all the rest of it of course), but sometimes when I am left alone at night, I can see that in doing so, I'm taking away from myself, taking myself further and further away from where I want to go, what I want to be and what I want to do. There's no time and opportunity dwindles along with time at a scary rate. Tick, tock, I hear that constantly.

I feel disappointed, I feel like a failure having just upped and quit here. I feel guilty for moving M again and I hope and fear it will not be the last time, for I do not wish to stay in London forever. Much as I love it there, it's just buildings and people and cars everywhere, noise. And it's all very well hearing the quiet, which I can, but sometimes it needs to be real too. I feel most alive, most here, most receptive, most open, when I can see the furthest. Perhaps it has to do with possibility, the possibility of moving, of knowing that one could walk (or sail) to that spot that one spies on the horizon and there would still be more to see.

So, it took a while to come around to the fact that I was moving again, moving back. It feels like back in a host of ways, -- just personally, as said, the reasons for going were never blurred or difficult to accept -- a while to think in terms of where that path might lead other than 'back'. More than any other time that I have moved, this feels like a verge, everything from here is freefalling, and I'm bound (for reasons that I would only feel comfortable talking about face to face) to hit a few visible rocks on the way down. That's fine by me, I'm not worried, I can handle those. I'll work out how, when, but I know, I can.

I'm not worried about what I know will come, nor am I worried about what is unknown. In fact, I cannot quite work out what I am worried about, but there is something, I do know that (permission granted to laugh, I am). I think it may just be fear of losing how I feel now - I've never felt happier than I do now (and have these past 1-2 years). It's a general happiness, just a good feeling that lives inside no matter what is going on. Like I finally have a place to occupy that is mine, I'm here, this is me, I matter.

I'm probably revealing more than I realize - I have no intention of reading this back before publishing. :-)

I've always lived my life by imagination, a statement easily misunderstood, I think. What I mean has more to do with intuition, if I can imagine a turn of events, the possible outcome, then it has the potential to be real, if I can't, it doesn't. How much sense that makes, I'm not sure, but it's how I know somethings, just simply know, for no reason other than that. Recent example would be my father's operation, though I feared I could be wrong, deep down I knew he would survive. Deep down I know too that this is temporary.

I have a post that has been sitting for the longest time in my mind and that I have begun to write. When it will be completed, I have no idea, but it is all about the links that bind us together, about how we are all bound to life, to this place, to each other, to time and how our relations to those around us shape us, our lives, and how much sense, rhyme and reason there is. In short, everything happens for a reason, everything makes sense, even if we are incapable of seeing it at times, or even most of the time.

This pull, I can see that it had to happen, it doesn't matter what I think, or feel, or thought or felt, or anything else for that matter, the direction is clearly visible. It's what comes after that, that I cannot see yet, I cannot see beyond the horizon, but that needs to be okay too, when can we ever before we move and it changes, reaches further.

There are certain things that I have a harder time dealing with than others. One is a lack of control, which in turn covers many aspects. And I'm not going to get into the question of how much control we really have and all the rest of it, because then I will not be able to leave tomorrow due to still being sat here writing this so-dubbed post. Thoughts when I think of security are multiple, at their most base, is a) a base, a place to call home that is safe and secure in every way. Money is another, I do not cope well with financial ups and downs, saw too many of them when I was a child and it effected me, as in I need to know that I can pay for tomorrow, pay for whatever may come, for whomever needs it. Sounds so base, I dislike talking about money, partly to do with how important it seems to everyone around me, it means nothing to me other than security, and if I have enough for tomorrow, anyone is welcome to the rest. My needs are basic and I tend not to splurge on myself.

What would I like to do tomorrow, I was asked that question recently, and my answer was to travel. It hit me recently, how much I desire to do that, and how seldom I do it for the reasons stated above and I need to take that and soon, cordon something off from day-to-day living and doing, to do that for myself. Though I have been on trips, lots of them, during the past many years, there was always a reason separate from just wanting to. And I do need to officially cordon, to officially make good on the promise that I make to myself and not let anything else get in the way of it, that happens much too often.

Security, to continue that, has to do also with voice, letting mine be equal, sitting down with everyone else around the table not just making sure everyone has what they need, but getting my share too. Nobody is going to serve me, I know that, unless I do it myself, at least not at this table.

In other words, and I really don't mean to sound all the things that I am probably sounding, I'm pretty much on my own, in every way, but where that used to, years ago, make me feel lonely and lost, it became a matter of pride, pride in the fact that I wasn't weak, that I could take care of myself and more than that, if need be. I make my own happy by choosing where to find it, fine-tuning that emotional equalizer.

In the end, nothing really matters, or rather few things do, and one thing is always certain, we are much stronger than we know, we are capable of much more than we imagine and there is never anything that we cannot get through somehow, someway.

When I look ahead, I cannot see very much at this point, I need to go a little farther first. I need to get to London, settle and then take another look, and once I've done that, writing for example will be much easier again, I imagine.

I miss writing posts, I just love that so much. If I do it right, it takes me to the place and lets me fly. That place, and this may be complete nonsense to anyone else, is where there is a direct flow, from the inside to the outside, without barriers of any kind, where thoughts are pure and singular, unchallenged by other inconsequential thoughts. An idea, a feeling, a thought and just running with it, that's what I like to do here, that's what occurs between the hello posts. That's what I like to do in life, between all the other stuff. I get there more and more often, not so much just recently, the four walls of the future, the four walls of my home and the four walls of me have been chaotic and I've felt out of touch too much of the time. That bothers me, now that I know how to get there, whenever I cannot for one reason or another, I feel like I am missing out, losing time, losing 'now'. And I just love being there, it feels like I'm floating, everything is easy even when it is hard, I can't describe it. The only thing I can compare it to is standing in the warmth of the sun, arms outstretched, reaching and embracing everything around, all sounds are peaceful, beautiful and feeling like everything outside is a part of me and I am a part of it, mutual and reflecting. At one, I guess, to use a cliche. In touch, touching everything, outside, within, as they should be, one and the same. Here, and here now.

Yep, really rambling now. :-)

Which shows that in the end, I do deal with me first. :-D
Find that funny, but how else could it start, the day, reality, our experience, our contribution. We are nothing else, but who we are, think and feel and receive. Giving is receiving too, much more so even.

One great thing about life is the more we carry, the more we are able to carry. To really receive, one has to really give. One thought has come to me again and again recently, we waste so much of what we have to give, by not giving it. We have a limitless capacity to love, and yet we hold it back. We may not mean to, but we do, for we could always do more. It is infinite. I feel that, intimately, at the forefront, that there is so much going to waste, that if I released more, I'd produce still more. That has to be the goal, to lavish, to ooze, to spill, in this case, paradox though it may be, anything not spilled is wasted.

The further we have to reach, the more effort it takes. That's not right, not sure I know how to explain it properly...using M as an example, she's close and I can bask in my love for her at all times, give it away rather than hoard it. Opportunity, I guess is the keyword, closeness in combination with it, willingness in the other to recieve, that's what I miss, feeling closer to more people.

Where before I had cut myself off from everyone, amazingly now, all I want to do is get closer and I feel every degree of separation. Where before I was erecting my own walls, now all I want to do is break through any that exist on my part or on theirs, and it's difficult, in a lot of cases, most cases, especially with people one has always known. Where there is history. Understandable really.

Just now that's all I know in London, people with whom I have history - I'll not meet anyone new until I get there, whereas here where I am now, most people that I know are new acquaintances, people I have met after I uncrossed the arms that were guarding my heart. Of course, I'm not being honest, I haven't done it completely, may not even be capable of it, may not even be the right thing to do, am not sure. I think, we need a little protection at least.
I wonder, as I have been doing for what seems like ages now, if I am capable of letting go of every single barrier, whether I will be able to trust in what I see, accept it at face value, and not let those questions of why enter into the equation. Those questions of 'are they seeing the real me'.

Honesty means an awful lot to me, it means everything, it's security and control all over again. I hate being lied to in any shape or form, but most of all, I hate not knowing that I am being lied to. I have someone in my life, who lies to me constantly, I can easily cope with that, because I can see it so clearly. I love them for who they are, strange as that may sound, and the lying doesn't make a difference. Serious lies they are too, things that cause pain, to me, to others, but the love I have for them remains unchallenged. There is honesty within the lie. I don't like not getting a clear picture, I guess, is what it all comes down to. Tell me what you will, do what you will, be cruel, be kind, just be honest, that way I remain secure, I won't be tricked or lose my balance.

I used to try to do my best, I needed to feel like I was wanted, that I mattered to others. I would work hard, twisting, but it felt like it was to no avail. In large part, I did in the hope that I may get. (This isn't the case any more, I don't twist, haven't for very, very many years.) I needed to touch and be touched, to love and be loved and not feeling that is what left me with certain hang-ups that I carried out into the world with me, and they were built upon there, culminating in a full wall once I took the chance of falling in love and it turned sour.
Rambles, rambles, rambles, but it's all to do with moving, with the unknown becoming so visual due to the physical circumstances. It all boils down to one thought, will I make the best of tomorrow, or will I allow barriers to get in the way, will I find that place and be able to stay there, will I be able to float, arms outstretched, will I be able to give myself 100% to the flow, will I be able to keep my arms uncrossed and that sense of inner peace and happiness that has been occupying more and more of me.

I feel so lucky, so grateful for all that I have right now, I feel happier than I have ever been, problems and what I do not have matter very little in the greater scheme of things, I could go on as I am now building upon it, moving upwards and onwards, and I would not regret my approach come what may. In short, and to finish this (have a million things to do still before tomorrow) - though now I recall wanting to mention what happened yesterday, a hug that should have been given and received and wasn't due to history - I hope I can hang on to this wonderful feeling and continue to eclipse the pains that caused the bricks to build, until there are none left and I will be wide-open at all times.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

They were right!

Fierce winds, icy cold, snow, it's officially Winter.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Now you know what I did last weekend

In case, anyone was doubting my word ;)

Those in the know are forecasting snow this coming Wednesday!
When I first heard it a few days ago, I just could not fathom that the weather would be able to change that quickly. Spring lasted a fortnight at most, it seems autumn will not last much longer. There is a definite chill in the air, and whether or not we shall see actual snow as early as Wednesday time will tell, but I should be less surprised after witnessing the weather today.

This was at just after 1pm

Dark and cloudy is one thing, but it was absolutely freezing too. Near enough. Certainly near enough for it to be time to break out the winter coats (luckily they aren't packed too far away!).

There were visible breaks in the clouds however, bursts of sun that peaked through and lit up the land here and there along the way.

As windy as it was, we were a little apprehensive about crossing Storebæltsbroen, the bridge that links two of the main islands of Denmark, thankfully the wind though very strong was head-on and so I did not have to shut my eyes (the driver, my brother, neither - phew!), and I was able to take some photographs.

That was the drive home, not quite as exciting as the reason for the actual trip, which was first and foremost to attend a Silver Wedding Anniversary. This occasion is celebrated in style in this country and has a host of traditions that must be followed.

But before any of that got underway, I was able to spend some quality time with my two very special guys (twins).

Very early on Friday morning, in the pitch black, jumping over cowpats and the like, about 100 of us crept up to my aunt and uncles home and awoke them with singing - well, that's what is supposed to happen, but since it always does on such occasions, not suprisingly the happy couple were dressed and waiting. During the night, the doorway had been decorated with pine branches, silver bows, fairylights and flowers and after we had stood in the pouring rain for a respectable amount of time serenading them as they stood beautifully framed, we allowed ourselves to be invited (all 100+ of us) in for a traditional Danish breakfast.

In the evening, it was a proper Danish party with a capitol P, which means in short a lorra lorra eating and drinking (was enjoying both, not realizing precisely how much until everyone else shouted Hurray and I followed suit solo about 10 seconds later), speeches galore and songs-a-plenty. Songs that family and friends write themselves and present, and which we all sing.

After 5-6 hours of that, the dancing commences with the couple taking the floor first to the special Silver Wedding waltz
(with the rest of us slowly moving closer and closer, which is what can be seen here).

The night was danced away by all (some more than others - let's just say, it's possible to both twist, river dance and 'pulp fiction' amongst others to traditional Danish songs) and everyone had such a wonderful time, especially my aunt and uncle, who I know will cherish the memories of Friday along with the other very many happy ones that they have collected over the last 25 years.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Beer good!

- that is the direct translation of where I am headed for the next few days. Sounds silly even in Danish, and it's by no means the only strange place-name that we have here.
Middlefart is another (which I shall be passing on route;), but worse than that is our penchant for naming towns after various bodyparts.

We have, amongst others,

  • Bladder
  • Elbow
  • Buttock
  • Widebuttocks
  • Instep
  • Throat
  • Nosetown
  • and two that I don't dare even mention! (used to live in one of them, no less)

Have a wonderful rest of the week. :-)

Monday, October 23, 2006

Thank you, Kyra, for an easy way to move me down. More me. :-D

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a warm hearted and open minded person. It's easy for you to forgive and forget.

You are a grounded person, but you also leave room for imagination and dreams. You feet may be on the ground, but you're head is in the clouds.

You see yourself with pretty objective eyes. How you view yourself is almost exactly how other people view you.

Your near future is calm, relaxing, and pretty much what you want. And it's something you've been anticipating for a while now.

For you, falling in love is all about the adventure and uncertainty. You can only fall in love with someone who keeps you guessing.

I did this interesting experiment a few months ago, thanks to Terry, whereby one requests to be defined in just one word by the people that know us. The person in the real world that perhaps knows me best had this one word for me: Forgiving. At the time, I recall being somewhat surprised. Anyone who knows me, knows I had a hard time letting go of a certain period of my past, but the more I thought about it, the more sense it made to me. Truth was, I gained great understanding as to the whys of other people at the time, my problem in regard to letting the past be past was not so much a question of forgiving actions, but of forgiving the loss of what was, and moreso what never was. So, I'd have to agree based on every situation I can think of, that yes, I find it pretty easy to forgive and forget.
That second part is perfectly me, as I read it. I have indulgent dreams, but I know that there is a journey to be travelled from here to there, that the part where I am at is life and that if I make this part good, then wherever my rocking chair may be come the final season, I shall cherish sitting in it.
Objective eyes, truth be told, I probably do. That's what I see, when I look with everything. If everyone else sees me that way, then that's fine by me.
The future as it looks from here seems fated and as such I feel mostly calm about it. I wouldn't be me, if I didn't let worry have it's say once in a while, but generally, as always, I'm excited about what the future may bring me of wonders and lessons.
As for that last part, its only lack is in not being more comprehensive. :-)

Friday, October 20, 2006

Regular shots

until I get to Hollywood :-)

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Thank you

I could use a dozen adjectives, write pages on what the friendships I have made here have meant to me, how truly and wholly blessed I feel to have met so many beautiful hearts and souls and how much my own have been enriched from knowing them. I could write a thousand words, but they'd all mean the same. Thank you and I love you.

A most treasured gift, the gift of touching, of letting your souls come out to meet mine. I could show a thousand and more examples of the moments here that touched my heart, scattered in posts and comments for all to see. For now just ONE.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006


I'm looking for someone to come help me pack
and/or massage my aching back!
Offering all you can eat and drink in exchange.
(Terry, you are excused - still welcome to join me for beer and pizza though:)

Happy Wednesday!

Sunday, October 08, 2006

"If I'm not back in 5 minutes...wait longer."

A world unlocked

I’m inclined to believe that souls can touch. That they reach out to each other when both parties are in a state of complete openness and that 'we' are only aware of the repercussions of this process. And, that understanding, the only kind that matters, is obtained there and then through this touch. That it is fundamental and it is unshakable, and any action or word cannot dent it or deny it. That though logical conclusions may seep in from time to time asking for consideration, things that make perfect sense, they are subjective, capable in themselves of being explained by each of us in a different way, and that none of it matters, if there is real understanding. When there is that, not everything need be understood.

The Soundtrack

Tagged by Sweet K.


Here's how it works:

  1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
  2. Put it on shuffle
  3. Press play
  4. For every question, type the song that's playing
  5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
Opening Credits: Secret -> Maroon 5
(admittedly still a few of those left to tell)
Waking Up: Will you love me tomorrow -> the Shirelles

First Day Of School: Mmm Mmm Mmm -> Crash Test Dummies

Falling In Love: Rock you like a hurricane -> Scorpions

Fight Song: Apache -> the Shadows

Breaking Up: Crush -> Jennifer Page

Prom: Push it -> Salt 'n' Pepper

Life's OK: C'est la vie -> Bewitched

Mental Breakdown: In and Out of Love -> Bon Jovi

Driving: Get the F*** out -> Skid Row

Flashback: Born to be Wild -> Steppenwolf
(yeah, baby!)

Getting Back Together: Nights on Broadway -> the Bee Gees

Wedding: House of the Rising Sun -> the Animals

Birth of Child: Everybody's making it big but me -> Dr. Hook
(couldn't tell by looking)

Final Battle: Funky Nassau -> Blues Brothers Band

Death Scene: Libertango -> Bond

Funeral Song: Stayin' Alive -> the Bee Gees
(that'd be the only time, I could stay still to that song)

~ Tagging those wearing something blue.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Chitchat (while I finish my real post:)

I live in what can only be described as a community within a suburb of the city.
There are 258 houses all occupied by families, where one or both parents are students. There is (to mention a few) a shop, a gym, a ballroom, several playgrounds, large green areas surrounding, a drinking establishment, barbeque pits and Open Doors.
And someone has always got a pot of coffee brewing.

Moreover, there is always something going on. Today, a protest. Or at least, signatures, a smorgasbord and a general show of support. Yesterday, a theatre production (of the Danish classic Frøken Nitouche), which I must say, though I’ve seen some spectacular productions in my time (love, love, LOVE the theatre), this was without doubt the most fun.
It's been fun.
Good memories.

Something that's been true of my life up until now is that I never stay in one place for long, though I do always plan to, I still always end up making the decision to move on, sooner or later, for one reason or another.
Just a tumbleweed blowing in the wind. :-)
And it's that time again, time to roll.

I'm not materialistic, at all, yet we seem to accumulate an awful lot of 'stuff' (read: I think, I may be spoiling my daughter) and it's only when it comes time to having to fit it all into boxes, that I notice just how much 'stuff' there is.
I'm drowning in them, and I've only just started!

And that's after a great big, cruel and calculated clear out. I figured, since I was not only shifting out of my house, but the country too, now was the time to prove just how much of this 'stuff', we did not really use or need. That was a revelation in itself.

So, if things go according to the current plan, I will be writing November 1st in London town.
(I may even be sitting in Harrods - more on that later, if it works out.)
In any case, there are plenty of changes ahead and, as always, unlimited possibilities.
The future's bright.
The future's London. Well, ours anyway. :-)

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Monday, October 02, 2006


Debra Lynne Johnson,
full of strength, optimism and a genuine sweetheart
recently lost her battle against ovarian cancer.
Dearly missed in life by friends and family
Dearly missed by friends in blogland

Wherever you go, go with all your heart!

That's good advice.
After all, there seems to be little or no point in doing anything, if one is not going to do it completely. Heart, mind and body. Anything else would amount to never being in one place at any one time.
Whatever it is, something doing, somewhere going, up the rollercoaster or down, the clear path or off the beaten track, the left fork or the right, one thing seems certain,
whatever you do, don't look back!

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Free Hugs

For those who haven't had the pleasure yet,
you simply must watch this heartwarming video

Saturday, September 30, 2006

Would you

What would you say if I told you that there's almost nothing left
That every garment has been strewn and I am nude
In the shadows
What would you say, if I told you, I've been learning to take pride
To throw caution to the winds
That though I want so very desperately to stay where I am, I know I'll not allow it
What then
Would you still call me a coward

Friday, September 29, 2006

Eyes ahead

Parallel lives I lead -
Where empty promises conspire and
I'm always going somewhere
- Especially in my dreams

Supposing somethings change, somethings stay the same and there is rhyme and reason to it, that we are who we are and that is exactly who we are supposed to be, that negatives and positives work together to create an idea of perfection and everything happens for a reason precisely when and where it should. Supposing everything up and until the point one considers those things to be true has been a worthless struggle against what is and what will be, a kind of unwitting form of self-torture. Suppose then that perhaps it is not an outside force that governs the nature of these things, at least not directly, but rather every corner of every part of what lies inside, not what we would want it to be, but what it actually is.
Nice and simple.
It's not a hard thing to let go, to place ones trust where it should be. We are everyone we ever were, we are all we'll ever be. It's just a little scary sometimes. Suppose that's okay.

Sunday, September 24, 2006


Christa, I did go looking for ideas for when I come have my Hollywood-style portrait taken at your studio

First I found this:

But that might be a bit much to have on full display
(though in truth, I'm game :)

So, then I searched around a little more and found this:

which I love, love, love!
Not least the dress.

However, since they are all about the face,
the winner is:

There, you've been challenged :-D


When I talk to my daughter about her father, I tell her that part of me will always love him. I was saying these words long before I was willing to acknowledge there was truth to them.
I used to think that I must have loved only an idea I had of him, one that did not correspond to who he really was, and when that image shattered so too did any and all feeling, I held for him. Not so. All of me loves part of us.

I dreamed of him last night, as I do once in a blue moon, different dreams, same theme. In these dreams, I take the risk, the risk of letting myself fall back under the spell, of handing over the power to hurt, of losing myself anew but this time when I do, there's a chance I'll still be there. I would wake up angry and confused, full of unpleasant questions that I wasn't able to answer.
Why would I dream such a thing?!
The question made me feel sick, in more ways than one.

Then this morning that happy feeling lasted a little longer, long enough to blend into conscious thought, and I saw his face is the only face I have. It may not have been his entire face, but for the little while that there was only beauty, there love was in all its glory, real, mutual and growing.

That is why I dream of him. Not because I secretly desire reconciliation, but because I want to feel that way again. I want to be bled, so that I can replenish. More than I do now. I want to ride the wave of limitless as far as I can possibly go in all my relationships, not all save one.

I was afraid to do the falling. I know, I know, old and very tired news, believe me, I know!
But, even when I thought, I was no longer, it was still there all the while.

I'm going to relish those dreams from now on. They mean I secretly desire the fall.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Happy & Sleepy

While in London, we stumbled across something new. Or at least new to us.
A booth that rather than take photos, would create a sketch.
End result: Not half bad for a machine,
it captured Maria perfectly :-)
(Though I'm pretty sure, I usually look more alive!)

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Hugs back attcha

These exquisitely gorgeous and wonderfully fragrant blooms,
were a gift from
Terry and the Bear
sent with hugs from across the sea

Just wanted to say thank you again
for this sweetest gesture
full of warmth and friendship
and to tell you how much I treasure you both
and the time we spent together in London

The bright side

"Remind yourself often that you live and breathe the truth of who you are"

Although it feels like a case of 'here we go again' and that there are without doubt predictions to be made, not everything can be predetermined. This is not the past, it is the future and as such it is fluid, open to any number of influences that will morph its consistancy, alter the direction of its flow, and it being mine means that today will join every yesterday and tomorrow I will be changed.
I, too, am fluid. It is when I remember this that silence comes.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

I'm baaaaaaack!

Hey all,
Just got back and will come say hey a little later.
For now, a very Happy Wednesday to all!

Monday, August 28, 2006

Happy, happy birthday!!!!!!!

My sweet GHATO (aka Justin, link in sidebar),
wishing you a very Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!
(a little early, in case I don't get another chance to come in before Wednesday).
Hope you have a special day, full of celebration!
And a joyous year ahead!
Love you, xo

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Hey and thanks

Thanks all for the comments below, will reply next time I'm in! Also, only going to have a quick glance round, won't have time to leave comments, sorry :-( Like I'm missing a limb being away from the blogeshere.

Quick update for those who would ask if I didn't, my father finally woke up properly (able to focus his eyes etc) on Friday and by Saturday, he was able to understand properly what we were saying to him. Lots of downs over the weekend healthwise, but things are looking up now and though he is still in Intensive Care (and likely will be over the weekend), he is progressing steadily.
Be back asap -
Happy Tuesday!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

All is well

Thank you all for the very sweet messages below, very much appreciated! If I don't get a chance to reply today, I will next time I am in.
Just coming from the hospital, so if it all sounds a little stilted, that's why.
The operation went really well. The doctors were concerned about various complications especially in light of the third procedure mentioned below and how far it would stress an already weak heart, but they are very pleased with his progress.
My mother went in first for 5 hours - without babysitters we had to take the girls with us and therefore had to take turns. He was still asleep when she came out and as such had been asleep for almost 27 hours when he started coming around, which he did not long after I went in (felt very bad for my mother that she missed that moment). I stayed for about half an hour during which time he woke up enough to start tearing up. The nurses then needed some time with him and so I went back out and mum went back in, but she, poor thing - again felt really bad for her, came back out feeling faint and upset and so she stayed with the girls while I went back inside. About an hour later she returned and after a little while he fell asleep and we left.
It wasn't easy, though it was much easier than I would have imagined, if that makes sense. He wasn't in pain, which is of course the main thing, but he was very disorientated and kept tearing up. I feel certain that he just had no idea where he was, he couldn't move much and couldn't speak (due to the tube in his mouth - forget the name of it) and as said was generally disorientated and still not fully off the various drugs etc, so I imagine the tears were more from fright and worry at these things than anything else.
He has various tubes all over the place, which would be the thing to frighten anyone visiting, but knowing that each serves a purpose and will be removed over the next couple of days made that much easier too.
I guess, the tears more than anything hit me (us) - but again, though it pains me (and mum) to the core (we are the only ones to see him yet), as I said to her, it is one day. By tomorrow, by normal standards, he will be awake and aware and will not remember today and the anguish he so obviously was feeling.
Looking forward to tomorrow and marked improvement, but all in all, he is as said doing very well at this stage.
Thanks again, x

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Today is the day

Or at least we hope so! Unless an emergency case comes in sometime in the next half hour, the operation will go ahead today. As well as a triple bypass, they will be replasing a valve and also shutting down the damaged part of his heart permanently. I'm no expert, but that sounds to me like he will just about be brand new. :-)

Happy Tuesday all!

Monday, August 14, 2006

JB Clippings

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Out of touch

One day soon, I'm going to do my best to get some more time online. For now, a quick update as per usual.
We are now travelling to Harefield each day, which means a longer journey and even less free time (i.e. opportunity to visit the Internet Cafe). Not being in touch is doing my head in, especially with all that is going on, but it cannot be helped.
As of tonight, the operation was postponed - could be the 5th, 6th, 7th or 8th. We will be told the night before.
Happy Friday and weekend all!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Hey all! & Happy Birthday Meg!

Blogging twice in the space of 24 hours...feels just like home. :-)

Quick post again:

So, what's been going on...Not very much, i.e the usual. Hospital visits and 'normal stuff' like grocery shopping, though to be fair, when I finally get home, I should have a few things to write about that I wouldn't have had otherwise. Yippee.
My father's room is on the ninth floor which is a real blessing in this heat (temps are still in the mid to late 30s). Really, it's the place to be, we get a lovely breeze up there. Also it's somewhat up a hill (near Harrow-on-the-Hill) thus there are tremendous views, best I've seen other than the Millennium Wheel, which one incidently can also spy from the hospital.
One of his first requests was for his miniature telescope (he's a gadget man:).
Must remember to take a photo of the view.

Wednesday the 2nd, he (we) transfers to a specialist hospital and the operation is scheduled for the 4th. It is as confirmed as it can be, something else may come up, but certainly the various things that have so far, like for example the blockage in his neck have been ruled safe enough.
Really, these days a triple bypass is a common operation, one that has been performed thousands of times and although he has age and a few other medical conditions against him, the type of people requiring this surgery often have. I'm not a worrier in these kinds of situations, which is a plus definitely, not least when others do worry.
Admittedly, I'm a little freaked out by facts like: too strong a cough apparently could reopen his wound post-surgery. Not too happy receiving that type of information, but presuming this is very, very rare, so again, nothing to worry overtly about. The advice in any case is that he should hold a pillow against his chest and press hard, whenever he laughs, coughs, sneezes and so on. Do we always know when a sneeze is coming is the avenue thoughts start going down. Just a scary thought, no matter how rare it is, that one could possibly open a wound by coughing too hard.
He's not enjoying being in hospital very much, but dealing with it very much better than any of us thought he would have. The one thing that has upset him this week has been that he needs to start having Insulin injections to better control his diabetes (has been taking pills only for the last 15 years) and one of his greatest fears is needles - so he was not a happy chappy when he was given this news - but again, dealing with it very much better than one might have expected. I guess, what it is, is that he knows, he really has no choice, i.e. that he needs the injections and he needs the operation and as such, there is no point fussing or getting upset/angry/whatever about the whole thing.

Ooh, just for something else (well, just to do the 'proud mama' routine once more), I thought the following said a lot for M. She has a very good friend from Lem (where we lived before Copenhagen) that she loves and misses dearly. We had arranged (months ago) that this friend would come for a weeks holiday to our place from July 31st. When I realized, we would have to stay past this date, I truly expected if not a 'broken heart' certainly a big reaction, but no.
"Of course we have to stay for Granddaddy's operation," she said or words to that effect. I just about cried knowing how very much she had looked forward to this event and how easily she gave it up, absolutely no hesitation.

Q. What's going on in London?
A. Big Brother fever.
Even I've had to watch a couple of episodes of this programme, just to see what all the fuss is about. It's plain madness, but more than what goes on is the actual house is how BIG a part of life here it is.
This is the number one topic of conversation anywhere a person goes.
Madness! Fun though :-)

Last but by no means least,

Have a very happy birthday!
May this year bring you your heart's greatest desire.
Birthday hugs, x

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Postcard #3

Still can't believe we went on that thing! :-)

Hey from London town!

Hope everyone is well and enjoying the summer!

Lots going on this week and I am missing the blogeshere and chatting to you guys more than ever! These cafes close at 11pm, which is especially frustrating on nights when I feel like saying "HI" at 1am (as per normal) :-) - that's the one thing that London needs (outskirts anyway):
24-hour internet cafes!

& when I do get a chance to come in, I soon start to feel like a headless chicken :-), rushing through email and updating family regarding my father and then onto blogs, trying to get through as many as possible...I don't usually get very far when I do finally get home, I will need at least a week just to catch up (actually I'll probably need a week just for J, who would have written circa 300 posts by then :).

Looking forward to going home, just for the sake of being back home - nothing quite like home, as they say :-). Looks like it will be a little while yet though. At present, the plan is that I'll be staying just past the first week of August, but that may still change (i.e. be extended a little) any case, I definitely won't be leaving this week as was the original plan.

(Remind me to tell you all about the Fox'es, when I get back.)

And just to finish off this 'wonderfully exciting post' - scorching weather we are having here (39 degrees celcius), absolutely loving it!

Happy Thursday all, xo

Monday, July 17, 2006

Happy Birthday Linny!

Saturday, July 15, 2006


Kyra, sweetie, wishing you all the very best for the year ahead. Hope you have an absolutely fabulous time today, much love to you, xoxo


Dear all,

have a little time today, so am hoping to make it around some of your blogs. Cannot even explain how much I miss talking to you guys each day, truly, its getting rather desperate!

Not sure when I will be going home, perhaps in a week or two to return again at some point not so long thereafter. I'll likely be travelling back and forth quite a bit over the next couple of months, but nothing is decided yet, so I'll leave that for now.

A little too optimistic last post, the house isn't done just yet, but it is a big job. Has been good fun, though little bro is rather sick of James Blunt, which conveniently is the only CD that isn't packed down in boxes. :-)

M's been having fun (Lisa, Terry, thanks for asking) - she loves going to the hospital as she can lie on "Granddaddy's" bed and listen to the radio and the canteen has "nice ice cream".
Also, she and I have attended some school events this week in place of my mother (for my sister), e.g. the annual sports day, which she has very much enjoyed. :-)

My father is up for one more test to determine if he is fit enough for surgery and if he gets the all-clear on that, then he will be having a triple bypass as soon as they can fit him in.

In short, things are busy etc and I'll likely not be in any more regularly than I am at the moment (poop!), but I will try to check in as often as possible - for my own sanity! :-)

Have a great weekend!!!

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

A very quick hello aka most boring post ever :-)

Hey all,

Haven't time to write a proper post, (wish I did, am having major withdrawals) so this is just a 'hello-I'm-still-alive' post.
I haven't even been to the hospital since Saturday morning, but it cannot be helped. My parents have a new house that they need to move into very much sooner than anticipated and so my brother and I have been plastering, papering, painting, laying carpets and so forth at top speed for the past couple of days to get it ready as soon as possible. Hopefully, by Friday we would have turned it from a shambles to a palace ;-) in just 7 days. Well, minus the garden.

Will catch up more soon, more to tell, very, very much more to read.
Happy Tuesday, xo

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Happy Birthday!!!

Sweet Lisa, missing you tons - hope you have a day full of celebration - I'll be celebrating!
Much love to you, hugs too, xxx

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

A'right me mateys

Hey all, George, Terry and Me saying hello from Covent Garden, London, England - woohoo!

Been melting in the heatwave all day, through our flight on the London Eye (thank goodness, didn't fall off + didn't need extra pair of pants!) and our cruise along the Thames.
Dr Watson was charming, also went past the National Art Gallery and much, much more.
Presently on route for Fish 'n' chips and lots of pints (lovely jubbly).
Thinking of you all (esp. Tracey up there in Alaska, bbrrrrr!).

Wish you were here,
love Terry, George and Autumn

PS To all the American's, hope you have a very happy 4th of July with all the hotdogs, potato salad, watermelon and fried chicken you can eat, plus fireworks! There aren't any here, but we did snap a picture of a statue of George Washington.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

JB Review

Apologies (T) for the delay, spent the whole day at the hospital. Had uploaded the video beforehand, enjoy!
Here's the very quick, very short version.

The hot sun softened by a lovely breeze, it was a perfect summer's day in the quaint Oxfordshire market town of Woodstock. There to see the one and only James Blunt (can I get a woohooo!) perform live, one could not have wished for a more beautiful backdrop than the slendour of Blenheim Palace and its lavishly green gardens. The 10 minute walk from the car to our seats took us past Vanburgh's Grand Bridge and the lake over which it crosses. Beautiful! - a perfect start to a perfect evening.

About 7 meters from the stage, we welcomed first a young artist named Big Runga, whom, had she not been so nervous, would have put on an excellent show, I'm sure. Her potential was in evidence, many of her songs lyrically rather nice, kind of old style, quite bluesey in places and vocally slightly reminiscent of Oliviah Newton John. Clean, passionate.

But never mind all that! ;-)

Finally!!! it was time for the main act!

The main man! :-)

In short: Oh My Effin Gosh!

Most lasting impression: It was very much more like a rock concert than I would ever have imagined a JB gig would be. It was extremely energetic from the get-go with James jumping off the speakers while strumming the guitar, and even leaping off the stage to go stand on the railing (between the stage and the crowd) to get everyone even more excited - Didn't think that would be possible :-), but it worked.
"We give you seats", he shouted, "but you aren't expected to use them!"
Say no more, James...everyone jumped up and for the next 90 minutes (save a few songs) it was party time at Blenheim.
Pros and cons to that, it was an absolutely fan*tastic concert all round, I loved it as did everyone else, how could we not! For me, the best performances on the night were clearly 'High', 'Where is my mind?', 'I can't hear the music' and 'No Bravery'. What these have in common is that they were the few that one was really able to listen to in a pure pleasure sense without the party aspect of it. But as said, all round: Fan*tastic!!!

High was just a spectacularly wonderful couple of minutes. Sitting there in such glorious surroundings, I looked up at one point and there was a bird soaring above the stage, and (giggle if you will:) the sight just finished me off turning me to complete mush. I guess, it was just everything combined, being where I was and on such a beautiful day. The sky, the breeze, the gardens, James and 'High' - that was heaven on Earth. :-)

Another one worth giving a special mention was 'No Bravery'. Throughout, video images that JB shot during his time in Kosovo, were played on the stage screen as he sat beneath it playing the piano. The energy at this concert was just astounding! and it carried over to the more quiet songs. The rendition of this song was a sight to behold to say the very least. It seemed to reach a pitch, I have not seen him display anywhere before. As he sang, he would glance sidewards up at the screen and one could just see exactly why and how this song was born. Almost painful to watch him share their pain. It was a truly amazing performance!!

In between the singing, he just had us in absolute stitches! T, one of these days, I shall email you in more detail about it all. :-)
He sang a total of 15 songs ending the show with 'You're beautiful'
and yes! - it was over much, much, much too soon!

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Postcard #2

Wish you were here :-)

Loving being back in London, its always good for a giggle.
One thing I have been noticing is the fashion here this summer. For the guys, the strangest haircuts since the mullet, kind of Beatles'que styles, but windswept, or rather tornado-swept where every single strand has to go in a different direction - thing is though, if a real tornado were to sweep by, I'm pretty certain not a hair would move. For the girls, last years visible g-strings have been replaced by actual cracks. No joke! They are on display everywhere and not just when they bend down either, nope, the jeans are so low cut, its a permanent show.

That's it for now, spend my time reading rather than writing about 'nothing'.
Thanks again for all the sweet comments in regards to my father.
Missing you all tons, xo

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Happy Tuesday

Thank you all most kindly for the sweet messages below, especially Trée, for the song :-)

Again, not much time today (should have more time to catch up with what's been happening here next week after G&T's visit), so am going to keep this very brief and rush through as many blogs as possible before I have to leave.

A combination of the distance from home to the hospital and the actual times of the visiting hours means that that is about all I've actually done this past almost a week, so nothing really to tell that would be of interest. Have seen a couple of old friends who have stopped by the hospital and that of course is always nice.

My father is doing very much better. He looks his old self, though he doesn't quite feel it, but that is only to be expected.
Silver lining: He has given up smoking :-)

Happy Tuesday all, xo

Friday, June 23, 2006

Quick Note

Hey all,
Don't have much time today, but am going to try and take a quick jog around the blogeshere and see how you all are doing.

As for things here,
Had hardly been here 24 hours, when my father took himself off to the hospital with a heart attack, so I've been occupying my time to say the least. He'll stay in for a while, but he will be fine.

Wishing you a wonderful weekend, xo

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Postcard #1

Missing you already
(& I don't leave for another 2 hours)

Sunday, June 18, 2006


Friday, June 16, 2006


Where Should You Spend Your Summer?

You Should Spend Your Summer at the Beach

You're a free spirit who is always thinking of new ways to have fun.

And you don't just love summer... you live for it.

So, you really should blow off your responsibilities and head to the beach!

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Guess what

I'm dancing!

Ask me why!


I have a date!


Ask me with whom!


Never mind, I'll tell you


Sunday, June 11, 2006

The London experience

Terry, a suggestion as to how we might spend
our day (and a bit) together in London.
How does this sound? :-)
London's official best Fish'n'Chips
followed by a tour of the city by night
a little
aka the London Eye/Millennium Wheel

To calm us (me!) back down, a cruise on the Thames


past such sights as Shakespeare's Globe


Followed by the essential pub lunch


After which we could either go wave to Elizabeth


Or trot past Trafalgar Square and the National Art Gallery

Before heading to the Sherlock Holmes Museum


After that, it would be time to do the most English thing
a person can do....

Go for an Indian :-)


Then onto Soho


Finally, last but not least, the very scary Jack the Ripper Walk


The End.