Saturday, April 29, 2006


Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Just cos

...she asked me to show "those Internet people" her artwork and new sunglasses :-)

Tuesday, April 25, 2006


Sunday, April 23, 2006

Just another day in the life of...

I've been planning on writing this post, since the numbers were explained.
I knew with absolute certainty day 365 would be reached and that it would pass in the same way it came, like the 364 before it, to join the ones ahead.
'Just' another day, 'just' another milestone, except 'just' has extraordinary connotations, when it comes to Justin.
Of course, as is 'just' typical, he somewhat ruined my good intentions :-). There was I waiting for an occasion to write this post, waiting to tell him and let everyone know what an infinitely special person he is, how he enriches everything he touches, and he pre-empted me by writing the sweetest, kindest words, words that I still cannot even absorb, they just float around my heart, beautifully touching.
Words that inspired the drop to his ocean that was Friday's post.

I believe, we make our own happy, and J is part of how I make mine. I'm blessed to have him in my life, and I use him shamelessly. I take all that he gives knowing I'll never be able to repay more than a fraction, and there is the heart of it, for it feels okay and that has been his greatest gift to me, the greatest lesson I've learned from him: love. To receive it and to express it, without fear.


There are a great many blogs, I could recommend, blogs that produce one fabulous post after another, an absolute joy to read and to follow. More than the posts in themselves though and the often fleeting impression they leave, I wish there was some way to let everyone know about the amazing people that exist behind the writing, to let everyone be so lucky as to see what I see on a daily basis.
I've seen so many truly beautiful souls.
Of the many, there are a few that I have fallen completely and eternally in love with.
And of those, Justin has touched my heart the most.

Today is a special day, an anniversary, another milestone.
An amazing year.
A journey within the journey.
A journey of recovery, of self-examination, of coming to terms with the past and of turning towards a bright future.
I've had the great privilege and good fortune of following him through much of that time and I just wanted to highlight, today of all days, what an exceptional person he is.
For one year, J has been striving with a tireless determination towards his goal of "becoming a better person".

But the thing is, he was always that better person.

I saw it so clearly the very first time I visited his blog, saw his essence, saw his loving heart and his beautiful soul.
I've seen it again and again, and again ever since.
He didn't become a better person over the course of this year, so much as he learned to recognize what was within.
He found inner peace and happiness, and in doing so, had more to give.

"Found", however, implies it was easy.
That he somehow stumbled upon it.

There are a great many things, far too many to list, that I admire in J.
One example is his strength.

Another is his determination,
a third his honesty,
fourth his resolve to face any and all fears,
fifth his willingness to take responsibility,
sixth his limitless capacity for love and his great, big open heart,
a seventh his ability to forgive/make peace,
all of which, and more, were tried, tested and proved beyond a shadow of a doubt during the course of the last 365 days.
And documented in the most awe-inspiring and heartwarming of blogs.

A blog, where it is impossible to visit and not gain from having done so.

I'm constantly amazed by what he writes and who he is, to the point where I have become accustomed to it.
That's 'just' J,
showing what can be achieved, how much farther one can travel, how much richer life can be, how much more positive energy one can send out into the world and into the lives of others by letting go of recrimination and regret and living life with wide open arms.
I'm richer, because of him.
He is the best kind of friend.

Forever doing his absolute best to be what he is.
A better person.

And as if that wasn't enough to make him thoroughly lovable...

Not only is he a MAJOR hottie

but he makes me giggle too

Love ya lots, my sweet ghato.

Congratulations on 365, xo

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Wishing everyone a perfect weekend

Whether it's some much-needed R&R that's called for


Or something a little more energetic/challenging

Friday, April 21, 2006

Wondrously blessed

Imagine being given the bountiful gift of getting to know an infinitely special person.
Imagine then feeling so very blessed when friendship grows.
Imagine feeling they have given you so much you could never possibly even begin to compete.
Then imagine being praised in the most touching manner for having given.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006


Some changes are undesirable, some we long for. Some come of their own accord, some we need to enforce. Of those we wish for, some we do have the power to make a reality, yet often it seems in these cases, we continue to do nothing. Knowingly or unknowingly prefering to hide behind all manner of excuses, when the truth is, we must just not want it bad enough. There is no point to thinking any differently, to continuing the lie. It is manufactured hope where none true can really exist, designed to fortify our own sense of victimization, when it is quashed time and again. To continue to make ourselves feel better in other words by believing we are helpless. "I can't", rather than the tricky reality of "I won't".
I realized for the first time a little while since, I had sole control of the reigns in regards to where one particular area of my life was headed, which was not even remotely close to where I would wish it to be, had I a magic wand. With that came the revelation, I am the worst kind of coward. I did not even dare try. Acceptance of that fact was still harder. Now that I have, I can change it or I can live with it, but either way I need to keep sight of the truth, and the truth is whatever happens will happen because of the choice I make. Nothing more, nothing less.

Monday, April 17, 2006


As her eyes met the reflection of his, his hands swept up from where they rested at her waist. She watched as her body began to respond to his touch, watched as one hand left to fan possessively across her abdomen and her mouth part at the sheer eroticism of that simple gesture. As his hands moved over her, she saw herself through his eyes.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

The devil is in the details

Loathe as I am, or any of us are, to admit it, we do build up a resistance to things, we ought not to. They become more commonplace and effect us less than they should. On personal levels and on more general levels.
News stories are the perfect example on a grand scale. Reading or watching, in that instant there is shock/disgust/grief/fury/all of the above and more, but it is the minority that take up permanent residence in memory. We become somewhat conditioned to hearing about murder and other such tragedy on a daily basis and it is only when there are memorable circumstances, that they have more than a fleeting noticable impact. Each story, however, most definitely contributes to our perceptions of the world and the negative aspects of what goes on in it.
It is the right thing to be aware and it is certainly the right thing to care, but I am starting to think, even in the face of potential complacency, that there should be more boundaries to how much detail the media thinks we need to know in order to do those two things as we ought. I'm just not sure knowing more makes any sort of real difference to how we perceive or absorb.
I had a perfect example a few days ago. An abuse case that resulted in death. The perpetrator, the father. The victim, a 2-week-old baby girl. Really, that was all I needed to know to feel absolute heartbreak that such a thing occurred, yet I felt compelled to read on and the more of this blow-by-blow (pun intended unfortunately) account I read the more sick at heart and sick to my stomach I became. I've no doubt, this will be another of the stories read that will probably never leave, every so often something will trigger the memory to distress anew, and I honestly wish therefore I hadn't read it. The question is, would we remember similarly tragic stories still years later if not for the detail provided? Probably not. But I'm convinced, we would still be as aware and care as much without what often now appears to be less about awareness and more to do with sensationalism. In fact, it seems rather likely to me, it may very well result in having the opposite effect to the one desired. Truth be told, I for one am getting to the stage, where I just don't want to/dare read beyond many headlines anymore, right or wrong.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Men at Work

...and suddenly women everywhere were offering to take the car to the carwash.....


Friday, April 14, 2006


Why should anyone give themselves (or others give them) a hard time for feeling the need to seek validation/confirmation from other people? Doesn't it just tie into the whole idea that understanding is the one thing people desire most? Would it not make perfect sense that if it has generally been a seldom occurance in a person's life, having other's understand, that person would continue to be unsure of themselves? And isn't it the case, that it needn't have anything at all to do with a lack of confidence in themselves per say rather a sense of what would be the point of saying something outloud if nobody is going to be able to understand it anyway? Besides which, if nobody seems to understand the point being made or the feeling being expressed, wouldn't it be quite natural to start questioning whether it is somehow wrong? Wouldn't anything else amount almost to arrogance?

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Just some thoughts

The closer the event gets the more I've been dreading it. Now with just two weeks to go, I'm constantly looking for a way to follow the blarring sense of foreboding, I cannot help but feel (yet feel silly for feeling).
However, not only would nobody understand my declining this invitation, which rightly so in this case bears no great consideration, but I would be disappointing a sweet someone and that I just cannot do.
I've bought my tickets.
I've got M excited about the good things that are in store for her on this trip.
And I've told everyone, I will definitely be there.
I've left myself with no real choice by feeling I had no choice but to do so, and yet I wish more and more there was an acceptable alternative.
There does not seem to be, nor is one likely to arise, and so I hope, I'm really am just being silly.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Listen...And trust

Perhaps it comes down to a simple case of the phychological mirroring the physical, which wouldn't be the first time. Where there is a clear line of vision towards other people and we can, if we are looking properly, see them as a whole and all that surrounds them, when it comes to ourselves we only get to view alternate parts at any one time. In order to gain a true perspective of the parts obscured from view, we often rely on seperate entities, reflections, to tell us what we know is there.
At the same time, we have a firm idea of what we are supposed to be, that we do not entertain when it comes to others (well, perhaps a little sometimes), creating if not a distortionate impression of our capabilities, traits and options, then at least a clouding of judgement on occasion, distrust based on prejudice.
Periodically just by observing, we can get a decent idea of how another interacts with their immediate environment and the factors on which their reaction is based, and can thereby even predict, often fairly accurately, which direction might be the most beneficial to them. We accept that, trust it. Yet when it comes to our own lives, we often make it a choice between what we feel to be true and what we see immediately in front of us. More often than should be the case, the apparent takes presidence, which would be fine were it not for the fact that in doing so, not only may we miss out on the best alternative, but worse still, secretly know it. So, difficult though it may be to have faith in something that apparently has no base, the smarter action seems to be to trust in instinct regardless. Essentially, not only to listen, but to believe.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

I've often wondered what it would be like to meet some of the people, I talk to via blogger on a regular basis. Whether it would be like meeting someone for the first time, perhaps even slightly awkward. Or whether it would be more than that.
Isay came by today (she lives almost as far from me as one can in this small country), and although she has a full itinerary whilst here in Copenhagen and it was therefore a brief meeting, it was so very wonderful to see her in person. It was not at all like a first encounter, it was rather more like reuniting with an old friend. There was history.
I love that. When things turn out how I had hoped at best.
So, if any other 'regulars' want to drop by for coffee...

Friday, April 07, 2006


I have to laugh at myself today (always a favourite pasttime) for a couple of reasons;

  1. A few ideas that came to mind for posts, I realized had already been done within these pages (perhaps I should just post links, if that happens again)
  2. My verbal diarrhoea that for some reason was missing for a spell seems to be on it's way back and so although I haven't written much here, I have been spewing all over other people's blogs given half an opening or less, and,
  3. I actually did write a post for today and realized how unintentionally Freudian my 'theory' on the given subject was and could not bring myself to publish it

Thursday, April 06, 2006

I know just how she feels...

But she looks more attractive doing that than I do, I'm sure.

Hello it me you're looking for?

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Brief encounters

Though all in a state of constant change and movement, some changes sit easier than others. Saying goodbye to something pleasing is never an easy thing to do and does not get any easier the more we do it, not least when accompanied by feelings of being the one left behind rather than the one moving on (a sentimental thought rather than truth). Though they may be forever thought of as special, some people enter our lives only for as long as they are needed by us or we by them, which in turn lends conviction to the whole concept of fate steering us along. Although not entirely swayed even in this light, I do so love the idea that everything is somehow 'meant to be' (undoubtedly attributed to that romantic side I hide so incredibly well:). More often than not, it seems to be the case, it is only after they are gone that we begin to miss them, a natural turn of events in slow progression that passes by almost unnoticed.
I see it from this side sometimes and have to resist the urge to clutch, to try to change what will be, as if by some slim chance that were even possible. People who mean so much, but whom I know beforehand will not be around for long. Priorities change, needs, interests, theirs and though hard to admit sometimes, mine too. It seems almost wrong therefore to feel more than a fleeting sense of sadness, when the purpose of these brief encounters remain so clear: We walked a ways together and had a lovely time.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

The scent that wafts from your warmth is pleasure in it's purest form instantaneously enclosing me in a thousand memories. Similar moments rise from the subconscious, like the tide coming in to flood out all else, to fill the emptiness from within and just the anticipation alone of what I know is to come lifts an involuntary shiver from my body. Calling wordlessly to a place deep inside, the message perfectly understood. That first gentle touch against my lips, heated, sensual, never fails to make me smile and I find myself offering silent appreciation for your strength. A strength that seems just by it's very presence to permeate every part of me, lending itself to my own and making me feel like I could take on the entire world, if she challenged me. Besides, I love the taste you leave in my mouth.